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Are Sports Parents Out Of Control?

Come on ump, take those sunglasses off. You've been making shady calls all game.

What was that you just saw? A parent being rude and disrespectful towards an umpire? You're probably saying that doesn't really happen, but it does happen. Happens all the time. In front of children. But why? I'll tell you why. I'm going to take a dive into why there's so much hostility at youth sporting events.

In the world of youth sports, where children learn valuable lessons about teamwork, discipline, and perseverance, the role of parents is crucial. However, in recent years, a disturbing trend has emerged, raising concerns about the behavior and actions of some sports parents. From heated arguments with coaches and referees to overbearing pressure on their children, there is growing evidence that sports parents may be crossing the line between support and control.

Joining us on this is coach Michael Smith. He has been a head football coach for over 20 years. I've seen parents be asked to leave and they do leave. It's never been the arrested part. Sportsmanship, some of them are drinking and that's, maybe it's not even apparent and I've not seen these things at Woodland where I'm at now.

It's previous places. Another coach joining us is Jacob Avon. He's been a wrestling coach for five years. This parent was yelling at like a 14 or 15 year old kid. And I had to escort him out of the gym. I had to let him know that was just completely unacceptable to be acting like that. And, it was crazy how he felt he could talk to a kid or official.

And then I started talking to him and everything just completely changed when I started talking to him, but it's still just unbelievable that he would act like that. So also joining us is coach Larry Baker. Who is a high school girls basketball coach. It was a basketball parent of mine. He had been riding the referees pretty tough.

He was only like about three rows up from the back of our bench. His son was a high school sophomore at the time. It was perceivably embarrassed by the moment, he knew what was going to come. Cause I think it had happened in a couple of AAU events before where his dad had been escorted or kicked out of the game by referee.

And this just got to be too much. Why are parents hostile at youth sporting events? The prevalence of hostility among parents at youth sports games can be attributed to a variety of factors. Firstly, there is often a high level of emotional investment from parents in their children's sporting activities.

They may view their child's performance as a reflection of their own parenting skills. or personal pride, leading to intense pressure and a heightened desire for success. This pressure can escalate into hostility when expectations are not met or when parents feel their child is being treated unfairly.

Additionally, the competitive nature of youth sports can exacerbate tensions as parents become engrossed in the desire to see their child's team triumph. The fervor of competition combined with proximity of parents and their emotional involvement can create a volatile, environment where frustrations are easily vented, leading to hostility.

Moreover, some parents may project their own unfulfilled athletic dreams onto their children, further intensifying their emotional investment and increasing potential for confrontations. Ultimately, a combination of personal expectations, competitive dynamics, and emotional investment contribute to the prevalence of hostility at youth.

Sporting games from parents media or just there's so much social media out, there's so many opportunities for, kids to play multiple, or not multiple sports, but be specialized in a sport. And I think they can make it to a higher level than is realistic. And when little Johnny is not.

Playing as much or isn't as good, whatever the case may be, I think a lot of people's dreams are shattered and it's just, it's so hard. I've coached and played at the collegiate level. It's hard to play the lowest level of college football or college sports period. It's hard. So to make it to a professional level is.

Freak status by step. Number one is they didn't accomplish what they wanted to accomplish in sports Step two, I would say is probably like just the amount of money people are paying I know wrestling is not the most expensive sport, but these other sports they're paying, thousands and thousands of dollars for personal training for tournaments all that stuff and You know if they don't see that Money paying off if they don't see the time energy and, everyone's effort paying off, then I'm sure that causes resentment and anger towards, anybody that they can unleash that.

And the passion that goes behind seeing your child perform and seeing your child possibly being wrong, have harm come to them or wrongdoing or disadvantage applied to them by another adult, whether it be the coach or the referee or what have you. It's a big time. Protect my investment, protect my asset mentality.

I think that's the biggest part. Why is it a problem? According to masteringanger. com, angry parents at sporting events create a very unhealthy atmosphere for kids and other people present there who are watching the game. Many kids also learn to show aggression like their parents later on in life. That is why it is important that such parents behavior at sporting events is managed effectively.

As a, as an adult trying to lead another group of young people, you need their full attention. And if they're distracted by your antics and your emotions, then that can impact how they Perceive the game and how they perform in the game. Or I feel like I've got pretty thick skin and a lot of stuff doesn't bother me too much.

But I just think it's the same thing as probably anybody who gets upset about stuff. It's a lack of control. I don't have control over whether my son plays or I didn't play. And I really want my son to play or my daughter or whatever the case may be, I think it's really that's what it comes down to is the lack of control and inability to control behavior.

Just like their anger, their frustration takes the fun out of. Everything at every single step. It's like these sports are supposed are meant to be fun. They're supposed to be like an enjoyable activity. You're supposed to grow mature, learn life lessons and their anger and just their frustration. The way they present themselves stops that at every single step along the way.

It's like you can't, they want to, Come into practice. They want to tell you what you, they think needs to be done. They, they're taking the, I, and I think wrestling and all sports, kids need to figure out for themselves and take those steps along the way.

And it's the parents are truly like stopping the learning at every step. So those for me the other day, this dad. Was yelling and then he, bust out his knees falling down the stairs and he just became the complete laughingstock of the internet. It's everybody's got a camera.

Everybody's got a phone these days. You can become the laughingstock. It is embarrassing for you, your family, everyone involved. Just, why would you want to do that for yourself? And then you are just setting up a horrible example for your kids as well. Yeah. Is society overall getting more angry and violent?

In recent years, there has been growing concern about the potential increase in anger and violence within society. While it is important to avoid painting and a broad brushstroke over the entire population, there are instances where tensions and aggression appear to be more prevalent. Factors such as social and economic Inequalities, political polarization and the spread of misses and the spread of misinformation through digital platforms may contribute to heightened frustration and animosity among individuals.

It is crucial to address these issues through open dialogue and empathy and initiatives that promote understanding and tolerant. Things are maybe a little bit more aggressive. And I think again, it's social media. It's just the ability to have you have access to everybody 24 7 and you can say things behind a phone or a screen that you wouldn't say to somebody's face.

And then a lot of people sit in they internalize that. And I think that is probably. One of the biggest problems just the mental health aspect of it and the lack still the lack of attention paid to mental health in our country is probably the biggest pandemic we have to be quite honest. I don't know if it's necessarily society has become like more hostile, but it's definitely society is a lot easier to express your emotions.

Without facing like physical, like person to person backlash. Like it, it's so easy. I could send you an email in a minute and just, tear you apart, tell you all the things I don't like about you. But I'm sure if I saw you, there are plenty of people that, have sent me texts, emails, expressing negative emotions.

And then I see them in person and they're, Oh, Hey, how's it going? Nothing but nice. Our aspect of how we experience life is a shared spotlight, and we're like all fighting for this spotlight. We all can have our own personal platform for our opinions and ideas to where we think that people really care what we have to say or.

Or what we're about or what our image and our persona is. And I think when all that builds up into having an athlete that might just have a chance and wanting them to have their best opportunity and, this kind of me, part of our Our, of our psyche in our current society, I think that it does play a role in that tightening our emotional responses, which can mean anger.

Where do we draw the line? The line between a parent being supportive of their child and being disruptive can be delicate, yet crucial for a healthy parent child relationship. Supportive parents offer guidance, encouragement, and a safe space for their child to explore their interests and grow independently.

They respect their child's autonomy. Allowing them to make their own decisions, while providing guidance when needed. Disruptive parenting, on the other hand, crosses boundaries by imposing their own desires, expectations, or dreams onto their child, disregarding their individuality. They may be excessively intervene, control, or manipulate their child's choices, stifling their growth and self expression.

It's important for parents to strike a balance, nurturing their child's development. While respecting their unique identity and fostering their autonomy. I think it's awesome that parents want to be involved with their kids. But I really, I would challenge every parent to sit down and ask themselves what their goals are and what their kids goals are.

And if, as a parent, if your goals are more than your kids goals, if you have, if you want this more than them, then I think you need to take a step back and really evaluate. what you're doing because we have to have a certain way. And so I've always drawn the line at any defaming of coaches, any defaming of referees.

I was going to have a personal conversation with that if it was brought to light. A lot of times I'm wrapped up into the game or I try to be focus in the game is some of the stuff that happens in the stands. I don't always see or don't always know. But that's about we've dismissed players because of it going to an extra degree and just being too much of a disruption and having to come to that to that conversation about, look, you are making this difficult with the way that you approach this.

You're not trusting our ability to coach. You're not trusting it. The other adults involved to do their job like this is not gonna work. I tell the parents in our parent meeting, Don't call me to complain about playing time. Don't call me to tell me what plays I'm calling or what, don't talk to me about those things.

I tried to be nice on the front end and it backfired on me. I've just told them and I say it nicely. But I'm not going to talk about other players. I'm not going to do those things. I think that if you set a. Firm guideline. That's the key.

What can a parent do? Counseling can be immensely beneficial in understanding and managing anger triggers. Learning effective anger management techniques and coping strategies can equip parents with the tools needed to regulate their emotions and respond more calmly, creating a support network. of trusted friends or family members who can offer guidance and accountability can also be helpful.

Additionally, practicing self care and stress reduction techniques like exercise, meditation, and engaging in hobbies can contribute to emotional well being. Open communication with their children about their struggles and commitment to change can foster a sense of understanding and allow for collaborative problem solving.

by proactively addressing their anger issues and seeking personal growth. Parents can strive to be present, supportive figures in their children's lives, while managing their emotions in a healthier way. I think they could probably, maybe they need to be removed from... Don't sit in the middle of the stands where they could hear lots of other things or people chirping or whatever.

Maybe they stand out by the fence a little further away from everybody and just try to really absorb, Hey, I'm just watching my kid play. That would probably help me if there was something I was mad about, I think just don't immerse yourself in a situation that. Pumps you up like that.

My dad was very passionate about sports and maybe it's sit somewhere else in the gym, maybe it's, I, I think, I struggle with it as well, and I don't have kids myself, but just that. Anger. And I think it's just, if you don't like, you can watch the match or watch whatever, and then maybe you need to step outside or, maybe you need to really evaluate the things that are making you angry.

Like I'm sure it's not the win or loss is making you angry. I'm sure it's something else that's going on in your life. That's making you angry. So I think they just really have to focus on the team aspect and really try to do that, or If they know it's a certain game or a certain rivalry or a certain situation that just may get them to that point, maybe they take a break, you're there to support and brought your child.

But if I'm going to get too riled up in this scenario and I don't want my kids to to be the negative beneficiary of that, then so be it. But it's difficult. What is something that everyone needs to remember? It is important for everyone involved in youth sports to be reminded of a few key aspects.

Firstly, the focus should always be on the well being and enjoyment of the young athletes. The primary goal of youth sports should be to promote physical activity, skill development, Teamwork and personal growth. It is crucial to remember that winning is not the sole measure of success. Emphasizing values such as sportsmanship, fair play, and respect for teammates, opponents, coaches, and officials is paramount.

Additionally, adults should prioritize creating a positive and supportive environment. Where young athletes can learn, make mistakes, and grow both on and off the field. Balancing competition with developing life skills, self-confidence, and a love for the game is crucial. Ultimately, youth sport should be a platform for fostering a healthy and enjoyable experience that contributes to the overall development and wellbeing of young individuals.

And I hear it every day. I see it all the time. I tell people all the time, like one. There's no college recruiters at the youth, at the 12 U youth tournament and in love with the sport will take you much farther than, a winner or loss at 12 U it's just have fun, fall in love with it.

Enjoy what you're doing. And as long as you build that relationship and like actually, grow then, and then it really doesn't matter if you win or lose playing a game and they're growing as a human being, just. Depending on what level you're talking about. Some of them, it's just, dexterity of catching a ball or moving differently and moving with equipment on gaining some self confidence.

We have kids that come out sometimes they've never played football. They come out as seniors. I, and some of them, they're not great athletes, but I'm excited that they're out because they're trying something new and that's the key to life. You gotta be willing to try new stuff and be involved.

And it's a great. socialization. You get to be around different people. It's for fun. It's for fun and they are children. Even with the outset of some very specific opportunities that might exist for middle schoolers with name, image, and Nike likeness stuff, or high school amateur stuff that can be affected.

No matter the sport, there's a lot of different ways for an individual to stand out and possibly be treated like a professional early on in their sport. But at the end of the day, they are minors. playing a game that is supposed to be fun and the application was available for you to apply for this job.

Thank you for watching TFD Deep Dives. For more content like this one, please remember to like or subscribe. Reporting to you from Fairview Heights, Illinois, I am Ben from TFD Supplies.